Inside the Fishbowl

Another Pictureless Post

I know, I know, a post without a photo is so boring!  Actually taking a photo and then plugging my camera into my computer would take much more commitment to a single task than I have in me right now.  Know what I mean?  I feel like I have complete ADD right now.  (FYI--the HD so doesn't apply to me, especially this week.  I sat on my couch for way too many hours today!)  I can't focus on any activity for more than about 20 minutes.  It's really frustrating. I want to get more completed, I just can't focus.  Even now I'm thinking about what I want to do next (crochet some baby booties) and it's about all I can do to finish this post before I pick up my hook and begin.

I once heard that multitasking is what takes away our ability to live in the moment.  I think that's what is going on with me. There are so many things I want to accomplish that I don't have the patience to sit down and finish anything. Another task is always waiting for me.  I devote my full attention to nothing and nothing gets done. Consequently I fail to see what really matters.  The people that matter the most to me are either ignored or yelled at for getting in my way (hanging my head in shame here!).  This isn't who I want to be.  It isn't how I want to live.  I've found myself immersed in the "thick of thin things."

In December I was listening to Dr. Laura, as I do whenever I am in the car between the hours of 1:00 and 4:00, and I heard her give some advice to a woman that I have not forgotten and have thought about a lot over the last month.  She told her caller to "Become the kind of woman you admire."  I don't know why, it's so simple, but that advice hit me like a ton of bricks.  I can't get it out of my head.  I think about it all the time.  It makes me think about all of the women that I know.  What do I admire about them?  It's hard because there is so much to admire in the women I am blessed to call my friends.  Maybe I want to emulate too many of their attributes.  I think in desiring that I am setting myself up for failure. I need to narrow it down, focus my efforts.  This is a life long journey, something that needs to be decided upon, worked on, and reevaluated at regular intervals.  Of all the things I want to do this coming week, I think that deciding who I want to be is going to be at the top of my list.  I may not finish or come to any hard a fast conclusions, but I want to know my general direction.  I will focus. Next week will be great!

A little break

This year I promised myself I would get back into blogging.  I've been doing better lately, but, as seems to happen whenever I make plans, I am abruptly reminded that I am not in charge.

Monday morning my cousin, Michael, died.  He was young, but very sick.  He broke his leg last week and his poor weak body just couldn't recover.  Michael was quite a bit younger than me, so growing up he was just one of the little cousins.  But in the past few years I had the opportunity to see him many times on my trips to California.  He has been very weak for years, so his ability to get around was severely limited, but he always maintained his sense of humor, and his sweet nature.

Tomorrow night I'm headed to California for his funeral.  It will be a sad family reunion, but a happy one as well.  We all know Michael is happy and doing lots better than he was.  I like to imagine him running from place to place, so grateful to have the use of his legs again.

I'll be back next week.  This week is for preparing for a trip and remembering Michael.

My first video blog!

Hi everyone!  I'm so excited to report that I just posted my first video blog on YouTube!  Video blogging is something I've been interested in for a while, but until Christmas, the idea was just too daunting.  Jeremy got me a Kodak Zi8 (similar to a flip camera), and now I have the ability to just plug my camera into my computer, upload it and away we go!  This video isn't that exciting, just a tour of my very messy craft room.  But I did it!  Yay!  Please don't feel like you have to watch the whole thing, but take a quick peak just to make me happy, ok?  Thanks!

Walking on air

So, a few days ago, I went here

 

and booked one of these 

 

(well not one of those listed) for a trip here 

in April with my mom and brother, Adam.  I can't stop thinking about it.  I'm so excited to go again, and to take two people there who have never been before!  Thanks to my ever-so-kind husband for letting me go again without him.

I really can't stop smiling in anticipation!

I Succumbed

Yesterday I began my week with the goal to clean my house really well.  I had a great day.  I cleaned out my room (it gets really messy during my company-heavy guest season--everything that I didn't have time to clean just gets shoved in there), dusted all of the furniture and blinds, cleaned my bathroom, cleaned out under my bed and night stands, vacuumed and shampooed my carpets.  My room is immaculate.  Add to that 11 loads of laundry, a partially clean kitchen and a straightened family room, and I would say I had a pretty good day.  Then I sat down to read my book club book, The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins.  At 11:00 I could hardly stand to put my Kindle down.  This morning I set my kids up in front of the TV for their morning cartoons and snuck upstairs to read for a little while before I had to start getting ready for the day.  I got the kids off to school and then went out to run errands.  I should have been home by noon.  I should have had 2 and a half hours to work on finishing cleaning my main floor.  It really, really what I intended to do.  But I couldn't.  I had to give myself over to the power of the book.  It was that good!  I finished it around 2:00 today.  Of course I wanted to start the next book in the series, Catching Fire immediately so I turned on the Kindle's wireless and searched.  It wasn't there.  IT. WASN"T. THERE!  How dare they lure us in and then not give us more!  Luckily today is dance day.  Dance brings me within a few miles of a Barnes and Noble.  I am now the proud owner of Catching Fire.  I will begin it tonight when I finish my Relief Society visits.  I can hardly wait!  Sorry house.  You have been moved to the back burner.

Two Books

I read two really good books that last few weeks of the year that I thought I'd share with you.  

The first was The Wednesday Sisters.  It's a great story about the power of friendship among a group of women.  This one really rang true with me.  I loved all of the women in the story.  

The second was The Whistling Season.  It's a coming of age story about a 13 year old boy on the Montana prairie in the early 1900s.  I didn't expect to like this one as much as I did.  I now want to read more of Ivan Doig's work to see if his other books are as engaging.  If you're looking for a good book to read, I would recommend either of these to anyone.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  I hope your celebrations were wonderful!  As for us, we spent the evening watching movies and then we went to bed early. Sounds fun, huh?  For us, it was just what we needed.  We felt no need to usher out 2009.  It wasn't that kind to us.  It left us tired enough without having to stay up late.

Am I ever glad that 2009 is over!  I feel chewed up and spit out by the year 2009.  I wouldn't trade last year for anything, though.  I really feel like I grew a lot in 2009, but growing isn't easy.  It takes a lot of energy and there are usually some growing pains involved, but somehow the things that make us grow also tend to deposit us on the other side stronger and wiser.  I learned a lot about me in 2009.  I learned a lot about my husband and our family.  I really started looking inward and figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be in 2009. Now I'm ready to begin anew.  I typically tend to shy away from resolutions.  I never keep them (I know I'm not alone in this!).  This year is different.  On this day I'm feeling the draw of the newness of the year.  I'm feeling excited about the possibilities for renewal and betterment.  I feel excited for this year and all of it's untapped promise and possibilities.  

This morning I sat down and wrote down 10 things I'm going to do this year.  I wasn't going to share them here, but I do want to become a better blogger this year (not one of my written goals, though!), so here they are.

1.  I will be a better mother, more engaged with my children.  I will stop yelling, and I will make my projects wait until they are done and not the other way around.

2.  I will be a better wife, happy to see and spend time with my husband, and happy to help him when he needs me. I will not be grudging with my love and caring for him.  I will stop enumerating his faults and I will stop comparing my life with his and continually looking for injustices.  (2009 really put us through the ringer--can you tell?)

3.  I will not get lost in the "thick of thin things" as the President of my church, Thomas S. Monson, has said.  I will focus on determining what is really important and doing those things first.

4.  I will do my church calling well.

5.  I will seek inspiration and a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I will read the scriptures and pray daily--no exceptions!

6.  I will stand for the things I believe in.

7.  I will go to the temple more.

8.  I will learn to focus and finish on thing before I begin another.

9.  I will stop being a person who spends money and eats unhealthily to make myself feel better.  I will look for more productive ways to cheer myself up.

10.  I will take care of my body.

Can you tell I have high hopes for the year?  Maybe my hopes are too high, they cannot possibly be met, can they?  I think they can.  All of the things I listed are within my control.  I just have to make them happen.  

Here's to a great year, the beginning of a new decade!  May all good things come your way.