Since it's been a while I thought it would be wise to reintroduce you to two of my major sources of subject matter--my kids. I would hate for you to land here, not recognize them and steer yourself away because you thought you'd come to the wrong place. They have changed, grown up. A lot. I keep demanding that they stop getting older, but they both assure me that stopping is beyond their capability, not matter how many times I threaten to send them to their rooms for disobeying me. It's one of the great ironies of my life as a mother--as soon as I don't want them to grow up they begin wanting nothing more. This couldn't be more true than for my youngest, Alex.
Alex and I have had a rocky relationship since he was born. He is headstrong and stubborn. He has more energy than the rest of the family put together. He has an incredible imagination. . .that often leads to trouble. He is also clumsy, the pickiest eater I know, and very, very prone to whining.
But for some unexplainable reason, I love this kid more than I can ever express in word or action.
I know that it's not because of his athletic ability. He's kicking here, but you can see that the ball is nowhere in sight, and if you look closely, everybody looks a little bit confused. Sports is probably not in Alex's future. It could, though, have something to do with the fact that he surprised me so much with soccer this year. I fully expected to have to coax him through every game, with him refusing to even step foot near the field. So far he's been a willing participant, which is more than I could have expected from my shy boy.
I certainly don't love him for his fashion sense. Yes, those are flip flops on his hands. I think he just got tired of wearing shoes, but really, it's not the most sophisticated look, is it? And no, that is not the worst picture that I could find, but hey, I decided to spare him the future embarrassment of flood pants and a too small t-shirt. It could, though, have something to do with the way that Alex throws his whole body behind his efforts. In Alex's world, you don't just bend down to smell the flowers, you lay down on their level and really get your nose in there. He puts similar effort into everything he does.
I'm pretty sure the depth of my emotion for this child does not stem from his inability to take a bad photo. Good pictures of Alex are few and far between. This is his regular facial expression in just about every outdoor photo we have of him. But I can't really fault him for that. He inherited his father's light-sensitive eyes.
One of the things that I love about my son is that when things don't come easy for him (and most things don't) he will keep on coming back to it until he gets it. He still hasn't mastered rolling down hills, but he'll get there. The hill at the Thanksgiving Point Gardens beckons.
Let me reiterate, Alex has no natural athletic talent. He lacks the ability to focus on a game for more than about 30 seconds which means he's always ten steps behind everyone else. The same is true for running. He loses focus, starts to look around and before you know it he's flat on the ground. That happened to him a few weeks ago at this one mile fun run that we entered him and Kaitlin into. That run was a struggle for him, but he kept at it, coming in almost dead last. That determination is going to serve him well as he gets older. Don't get me wrong, he gets frustrated. Very frustrated. But after he clams down he gets right back into that action and reaches his goal.
Finally, I think the thing that I am supposed to learn from Alex is how to enjoy life, be in the moment and just laugh. He is so amazing at that. He has the best sense of humor, he gets when we're teasing him and he's not afraid to laugh at himself. I so, SO love that about him.
I strongly feel the necessity of expressing my love to my children every day, but with Alex, I feel a sense of urgency about it that I don't have with Kaitlin. Maybe it's because she doesn't struggle with things as much as he does. Kaitlin is going to be one of those disgusting women who can do everything (I'm jealous already). With Alex it's different. He seems fragile, like he needs reassurance. I never want him to feel rejected by me, though I know I fail at this from time to time. Generally, I try to squeeze the assurance of my love into him. I'm not sure he understands the language of the squeeze, but he at least humors me and lets me hug him all I want. I know that will end soon, so I'll get in as many as I can while it lasts.
